Hillary Gets a Puppy

It’s come to my attention that many of you don’t like me. Well, I’m here to tell you . . . that’s BALONEY!  EVERYONE loves me, except maybe my neighbors in Chappaqua NY where I live some of the time. 

You heard about that, did you? The nerve of them—expecting me to join them in a protest against Barack Obama’s low-income housing edict.  How would that look?  The town has already built low-income housing palaces in Chappaqua, but truth to tell, Chappaqua doesn’t have enough poor people to fill them.  It doesn’t have ANY poor people as a matter of fact. 

You get poor people hanging around your town and it’s not only your popularity numbers which will go down, but so will your housing prices.   

That idiot Rob Asterino is really trying to stir the **it—ooops, did I say that?  He makes a good buck but even he can’t afford to live here in Chappaqua.  He told you so himself. He said it on CNN – which proves it is true! 

The notion that I’m not liked comes from a phony CNN/ORC pool which says….now most of you will think this is a joke but I’m serious….that my UNFAVORABLE ratings are the highest that they’ve even been in FOURTEEN YEARS.  Ha!  Ain’t that a laugh?  Me?  Hillary Rodham Clinton! Goddam, that burns my ass. Trust what I tell you!  Didn’t I steer you right about the amateur film that led to the killing of my ambassador and three CIA types? 

I’ll tell you what the problem is, alright?  The problem is that I don’t have a cute puppy following me around like most male presidents.  Men are dogs enough, aren’t they?  Anyway, I have Bill. His favorable ratings are good enough for both of us to be president.  Of course, he will be the co-president ONLY!

Yes, that’s right. I’m assuming I will be the president. Can’t miss. People are crazy about this ‘first’ business. You know…  Jimmy Carter being the first nuclear engineer president. Barack Obama being the first Kenyan. Ooopsie!  

Anyway, I’m a first. I will be the first woman president.  All I’ve got to do is get a nice puppy to follow me around.  Allergic to puppies as I am.