To see what hzppened last week in the wild and whacky White House, be sure to watch our previous series episode entitled "Homeland Security Prepares Attack Plans Against Canada." You can find it below... And now, without further delay, tune to our latest episode of zany White House antics as the "Obama White House Attempts to Muzzle the Vice President." :
FADE IN:
PRESIDENT NOBAMA is sitting on his desk in the OVAL OFFICE. Strewn about the floor are piles of balled up paper, sheets of which are being ripped from a huge document on the desk. One by one, PRESIDENT NOBAMA rips off a sheet, balls it up, and then throws it across the room to a basketball hoop affixed to the nearby wall.
CUT TO:
The camera rolls along toward the huge bound document on the President's desk. Finally, it stops on the title. It reads: "Stimulus Budget Bill"
PULL BACK TO:
WIDE-VIEW of room reveals CHIEF OF STAFF RUNN EMANUAL sitting in an armchair against the wall. PRESIDENT NOBAMA hits a three-pointer, jumps up, claps his hands.
CHIEF OF STAFF
(jumping up, too)
Bravo! Bravo, Mr. President!
There is a pink phone on the desk. That's the special phone reserved for the President's wife. It rings, causing the president's face to frown.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Would you get that please, Runn?
CHIEF OF STAFF
(stepping smartly)
Sure I can. That's my job. Let me handle it. I can handle it. I can do plies, pirouettes, and I can sing too--but I'm fast, fast, faster than lightning!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA (frowning)
It's okay, Runn...just answer it, will you?
CHIEF OF STAFF (brightly)
I'm on it.
(picks it up)
Hello?
SPLIT SCREEN:
MICHELLE NOBAMA (shouting)
CAN'T YOU PUT A MUZZLE ON HIM?
The CHIEF OF STAFF has a look of alarm on his face.
CHIEF OF STAFF
On Bo? What's wrong? Has he bitten one of the kids?
MICHELLE NOBAMA
Not Bo, you jerk! The vice-president!
The PRESIDENT notes the tone of alarm in Runn's voice. He stops throwing paper basketballs into the hoop and watches Runn closely.
CHIEF OF STAFF
What's he doing now? Oh, no! Not another impromptu press conference!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
What is it? What is it?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Okay, bye...I'll tell him.
(hanging up the phone)
It's the VICE-PRESIDENT, sir--he's doing another presser on TV.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Damn him! Turn it on!
CHIEF OF STAFF
What channel?
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Anything but Fox. We don't own them yet but soon we will...
CHIEF OF STAFF
We have the largest stake in MSNBC--too bad Olberman's not on. Or Matthews. Or that clownish guy from the Boston Globe...whatzisname, the fat one?
CUT TO:
The Vice-President is being interviewed in the aisle of an airplane.
VICE-PRESIDENT
So..in answer to your question as to why I'm flying today...It's because I'm patriotic and flying is patriotic. So is walking down into a subway tube! Just like all those nice clean-cut articulate people do in Brooklyn and Queens every day.
REPORTER
But you said...
VICE-PRESIDENT (flashing anger)
I KNOW WHAT I SAID...
(halts himself, chuckling)
Heh-heh... But that was in the past..long past....and the Obama administraition and I have come to grips with this...this awful pandemic...this pig thing...err...scratch that, will you? Not a pig thing at all...it's an agriculturallly caused mishap--that's what I meant to say.
REPORTER
But Mr. Vice-President...that was just this morning you made the statement that you wouldn't let your own family fly on airplanes or go down into the subways...
VICE-PRESIDENT
It was? Was it this morning?
REPORTER
Yes, sir.
VICE-PRESIDENT (puzzling, smiling)
Well, yeah!...That shows how quickly the Obama team can react to threats. We're on top of it! A morning threat it was...gone in the afternoon! Could Bush do that? And here I am in an airplane already! Are you ready to have your picture taken, guys?
PULL BACK TO:
EXT. SKIES OVER MANHATTAN - DAY
A huge airplane arcs slowly across the sky near the Statue of
Liberty. Behind it are two attack F-16 Air Force Jets. The
plane is labelled Air Force One. As the camera pulls back to
ground level, we see hordes of people running from buildings,
running along the streets in a panic, shouting and leaping to
cover in ditches or under parked cars.
DISCLAIMER: ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS ARE STRICTLY COINCIDENTAL. THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED HERE DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE MOEURSALEN NEWS NETWORK. WE ARE UNABLE TO PROVIDE PHOTOS OF THE AIR FORCE ONE TERROR FLYOVER OF NYC BECAUSE ALL SUCH PHOTOGRAPHS HAVE BEEN SET ASIDE AS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION BY THE "REAL WHITE HOUSE." DO NOT QUESTION WHY CLASSIFIED INFORMATION REGARDING CIA INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES CAN BE RELEASED WHILE WHITE HOUSE PUBLICITY PHOTOS OF THE "REAL" PRESIDENT'S PLANE CANNOT BE. WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY ROBERT GLIBB COMMENTED THAT "TRANSPARENCY DOESN'T EXACTLY MEAN YOU COULD SEE THROUGH ANYTHING WE DO."
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