Are you a Rush Limbaugh or Anne Coulter Approved Republican?

Proving that Republican women can be free spirits too, Anne Coulter proudly displays her legs alongside a Grateful Dead poster.



Rush Limbaugh hasn't yet made Time's Man Of The Year but one day he probably will. Rush is a really, really, really funny political satirist except when he's not. It's not funny when Rush refuses to issue hero Republicans like John McCain a "True Republican" passport. I'll bet McCain could get Rush's approval if he organized an Auschwitz or Bataan style death march for illegal immigrants. But now let's turn to today's play:



A man sits reading the newspaper while his eight year old son sits on the floor playing a computer game. A political news show is on television.

Child
Daddy, who owns the Republican party?

Dad
(looks up from paper)
What's that, sonny?

Child
Who owns the Republican Party?

Dad
(putting down the newspaper)
Well, I don't know that it has an owner, not exactly.

Child
But if it did have an owner, who would the owner be?

Dad
Well, I'm not sure but I think that people like Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter might own the Republican party.

Child
How can you tell, Daddy?

Dad
I can't really...It's just a feeling I have. I don't think the Republican Party really has an owner but there are people like Anne Coulter and Rush who often tell the Republican Party what it should be and who should belong to it. And if the Republican Party accepts that, then it is much like bequeathing a little bit of ownership to them.

Child
What do you mean, Daddy?
Dad
Well, let me put it this way. I person could register as a Republican and vote for Republicans and even be a war hero like many other Republicans and still not be a "True Republican" according to Anne Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Child
How can that be, Dad?

Dad
Take John McCain for instance. Anne and Rush are saying he's not a "True Republican" because he doesn't believe that a person could, in good conscience, round up ten million illegal immigrants and organize a Bataan Death March to get them back across the border. "True Republicans" like Anne Coulter and Rush Limbaugh must always refer to Senator McCain as an "Amnesty Candidate."

Child
Doesn't make sense, Dad. Wasn't Ronald Reagan a "True Republican?"

Dad
Yes. Ronald Reagan was the truest of the "True Republicans." In fact, he is the God of the "True Republicans."

Child
But didn't Reagan grant amnesty to thousands of illegal immigrants?

Dad
Indeed, he did, Sonny, but my...you're getting too big for your britches. And you're not understanding that the Republican Gods can do things that mere mortals can't and still be "True Republicans."

Child
Because Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter say so?
Dad
That's right, son.

Dad
Even if it means ruining the country by losing the election.

Child
Gee, Republican politics are sure strange, dad.

Dad
Only in Florida where Rush Limbaugh has his mansion and wherever Anne Coulter has hers.

Child
But what do they have against that John McCain.

Dad
History, sonny. Nothing more than history.