Billary Clinton Searches Her Soul for Answers to Tough Questions

Scene I

A television anchor team consisting of a man and a woman. The women is pretty. The male anchor is pretty, too.

PETER PUNDIT (smiling)
Good morning. I'm glad you could join us here on Pablum TV.
(turning to female anchor)
And a good morning to you, too, Grotilda. My, you're looking sexy today.
(leering, Peter turns to Grotilda)

GROTILDA (smiling)

GROTILDA faces the camera but she has one arm extended beneath the desk. She appears to be struggling but forces the smile into the camera. PETER'S face is flushed.

GROTILDA (smiling)
Good morning, Peter, and good morning, America. We're glad you could be here with us today. Also with us a little later on will be Billary Clinton, presidential candidate and we'll be discussing the new book "Why America Needs Billary Clinton."

CUT TO:

Billary Clinton sitting in a hall of mirrors. Her reflection is multiplied a thousand times. Interspersed with the visage formerly known as the "first lady" is another male visage who looks oddly enough like the "former president."

BILLARY CLINTON (soliloquizing)
Well, if I say that then somebody will say this. If I say this, somebody will say that. On the other hand, if I say nothing, no one can say anything.
(pausing)
But if I say nothing, my opponents might say something and I'll be screwed...damn it all!
Billary Clinton pats her cheeks tentatively and frowns. A Spanish maidservant rushes up to her from off-camera with a hairbrush and begins brushing Billary's hair. Meanwhile, a sonorous male voice is heard off-screen.



OFF SCREEN V.O:

VOICE OF BILL CLINTON
Dang it, Billary...you're beginning to sound like John Kerry.

BILLARY CLINTON
Ouch!

VOICE OF BILL CLINTON
Why don't you just tell them you have a headache? That's what you always told me.
(chuckles)
I din't mean that, Billary...Shucks, I was joshin' ya' and I just know that sounds slippery as deer-guts on a door-knob.

BILLARY CLINTON
But who am I? Where am I going? Why am I here? And with whom?

SPANISH MAID (entreating)
Can you please sit straight, Senora?

BILLARY CLINTON (suddenly wild with anger)
Sit straight? You mind your manners if you want to get paid! I'll have you sitting straight on a steamship heading back to Argentina.

SPANISH MAID
Oh!...Aieee...Lo siento!..so sorry...
(to be continued)