Monday, January 7, 2008

Vote for Laughing Boy: The Bill Richardson Presidency

I had trouble sleeping and watched the Democratic forums in the hopes of getting a soporific buzz from the proceedings. Admittedly, my sleepy pattern was jarred when moderator Gibson mentioned the 30% to 50% likelihood that a nuclear bomb would explode in an American city. Did he really say that?

Wide awake suddenly, I looked at the man who had the dais, a rotund, roly-poly guy who was identified as the governor of New Mexico, Bill Richardson. Hey, I love New Mexico! It’s beautiful and enthralling. They should keep their governor. I didn’t know he was running for president, anyway, and neither did Mr. Gibson. The next thing I heard Gibson ask is why Richardson was running for the presidency. Yeah, why?

If ever an avalanche of cozy bromides left a political lip, it was next on the Democratic forum. Billary Clinton watched bemused, certain that her domain wasn’t threatened by the porky fireplug who would be president only if hell really did freeze over. I had an unusual thought at that moment. Was the Richardson guy rich, with a lot of money in his coffers, or was he supported by a fund created by the other candidates? Let me get this straight:

He was a Bill Clinton appointment to Energy, I know, but what did he do there? I would love to have a car with a sail, at least. Or a windmill project off Cape Cod that wouldn't offend the Kennedy clan.

Richardson kept jawboning about how he faced down the North Koreans but then why is Jong-Il such a pain in the ass any more? I'm sure the North Korean dictator was really intimidated by that steely Richardson stare.

running his mouth like he’s this great envoy and world ambassador. He doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut about the plum jobs he’s landed just to nail down political support from Hispanics.

It was really embarrassing how Richardson answered the nuclear explosion question. He kept saying he would want to be sure who it was who did it. He wouldn’t just “react”. He’d wait until the offenders confessed and then he’d invade Pakistan. A very reasoned approach from a highly entertaining and likeable buffoon. Why doesn’t he just drop out? Who’s giving him money? Why doesn't he get his own television show?

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