Monday, September 10, 2007

John Edwards' Purloined Email

Appearing slightly embalmed, Usama Bin Laden poses for his latest video.

Email to: John Edwards:

CC: Hillary Clinton

Bcc: Barak Obama

Dear sir or madam:

I’m writing to clue you in about something you should know. The terrorist cell recently busted in Germany was uncovered in part by American electronic surveillance of phone calls between two German nationals embedded in a terrorist network in Pakistan.

As you know, the would-be bombers had assembled a large batch of high concentration Hydrogen Peroxide which, when mixed with other material, makes the kind of bomb that was used in the London train bombings.

At the risk of sounding like a right-wing conspirator (one of Hillary Clinton’s favorite pejoratives) , I wish to inform you that I have been conducting my own surveillance of Al Quaeda email communications and have decided to release a verbatim excerpt of an email communication between American Adam Gadahn and UBL.

GADAHN: Hey, Usama!....Happy 09-11!...

UBL: Adam!...Word up, dude!...that was a great script you sent me to accompany my 9-11 photo greeting to your country.

GADAHN: Thanks, Usama…. …All I had to do was cut and paste some language from certain American newspapers…. And much of it came directly from the new presidential candidates.

UBL: Ha—ha-ha!... You crazy, guy, Gadahn!.... Always make jokes!

GADAHN: No joke, Usama…. John Edwards said Bushie’s War On Terror was a “bumper sticker.”

UBL: Ha-ha-ha!... that’s another good one, Gadahn! Where you get this stuff?

GADAHN: From the new Democratic Congress, boss. They help us plenty with all them lawsuits against electronic surveillance. That surveillance been killin’ us!’s got to stop. Arrests in Denmark, arrests in Germany, arrests in Pakistan…all over the world our peeps been getting busted.

(changes subject)

Hey, how about this one for a bumper sticker, Usama: “Piss on Patriots!”

UBL: Ha-ha-ha!... You killing me, Gadahn! That’s a good one. You think we can put one on Edwards’ car?

GADAHN: The new Democratic congress got you covered, Usama… So far we’ve got Dick Durbin, Harry Reid, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi…..We got a ‘maybe’ from the candidates. Understand how sensitive this is?….

UBL: What about that Kucinich?

GADAHN: Kucinich? You kiddin’? Slam dunk!

UBL: Ha-ha-ha….”Slam Dunk!” You killin’ me, Gadahn! What means that?

GADAHN: Slam Dunk? American basketball expression, UBL. Means how quickly Democrats likely to fold up tents, retreat, and give us time to rebuild and repair terror cells.

UBL: Ho-ho,ho!... You killin’ me, Gadahn! Ha-ha… Slam dunk!.... love those American expressions!... Reminds me of my college days at Beirut University…how you say? Usama, ha-ha!.... (longingly) Those were the days, my friend: limousines, lackeys, booze, broads….

GADAHN(tearing up): Stop it, Usama. You’re making me homesick. Besides, we got work to do…

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