The story so far: The Fictitious Governor of Illinois, Roderick BLAGO, has just discovered that the senate seat of the fictional president-elect BARACK Osama can be sold for a handsome sum of money. Unfortunately, an ambitious Federal Prosecutor has discovered BLAGO'S scheme to auction off the senate seat to the highest bidders. The bidding was not open to the public, as might be expected, but it is rumored that the fictitious bidders for the Senate Seat include many Chicago cronies like the fictitious Valerie Jarrett or even BARACK's fictitious chief of staff RAHM Emmanual, or possibly Jesse Jackson Jr. who was said to be a "snitch" during previous federal investigations. And now, we get back to DAYS OF OUR LIES:
FADE OUT:
PULL BACK to a view from the outside of the BLAGO mansion. Camera caresses the street, turns 180 degrees. Now we are focused on the Barack Obama Transition Team office, which is right across the street from where BLAGO and HARRIS are being charged with public corruption.
CUT TO:
Two men are depicted with their backs toward the camera. They have their fingers in the venetian blinds, peering outward. One is tall, dark skinned, with large ears. He has a basketball tucked under his arm. The other man is half bald, shorter, with dark hair and short mustache. These man are Barack Obama and David Axelrod, respectively.
BARACK
Do you see what I see?
AXELROD
Cars...cars pulling up to the house.
PAN TO:
The street in front of BLAGO's house. A black Ford Crown Victoria pulls up to the BLAGO mansion. A crew-cut man in a dark suit walks to the door. He's followed by another older man in a gray suit.
CUT TO:
Reverse angle on AXELROD and BARACK through the venetian blinds. The two heads are huddled close.
AXELROD
They're going into the house. Sheeit! I can see BLAGO...do you see BLAGO?
BARACK
Hmmm... I think it was him at the door. I'm not sure..
AXELROD
It was him.
BARACK
He answwers his own door? When I'm president, I'm not going to be answering the door.
BARACK turns away from the window.
BARACK
They're not going to do anything...
AXELROD (shouting)
They're coming out!...sheeit!
BARACK rushes back to the window.
AXELROD
It's him...It's BLAGO!... They're cuffing the Governor!
BARACK
Cuffing the governor? Can they do that?
PAN TO:
The front portico of the Governor's Chicago house. The two "suits" are on either side of BLAGO. BLAGO is dressed in a blue Addidas track suit.
BLAGO
Hey, c'mon, fellas'....Can't we do this later? I always go jogging at 7:00.
FEDERAL AGENT ONE
You can jog on the way back. After the hearing...
BLAGO (resignedly)
Can I ride shotgun?
CUT TO:
BARACK and Axelrod withdraw from the window. AXELROD slumps into his desk. BARACK lets the basketball drop from beneath his arm and stands disconsolately in the room. The basketball dribbles along the floor and finally settles near a file cabinet.
C.U.
The FILE CABINET has several drawers, each one labeled. The camera travels along each drawer. There is one labelled AXELROD STATEMENTS, another is labelled BARACK STATEMENTS. The other file drawers may be labelled BIDEN STATEMENTS. And there is ANOTHER file drawler labelled STATEMENT REVISIONS PAST. And another labelled FUTURE STATEMENT REVISIONS.
BARACK
Get somebody in here and have them pull out all your statements on BLAGO since the campaign started. We got to go over every one.
AXELROD
No need to worry about that. I pwn the American press and the foreign press worships you.
BARACK
But you already told Fox News in November that I never talked to BLAGO.
AXELROD
That was months ago, BARACK! I didn't mean "not ever!" I meant "not ever" this month.
BARACK (thoughtfully)
When did I last talk to BLAGO? I can't remember....
AXELROD
RAHM says that depends on what you mean by "talk to."
BARACK
What else does RAHM say?
AXELROD
We're working on that right now.
BARACK
You mean a statement?...
AXELROD
On what RAHM said and what RAHM meant.
BARACK
But I got a press conference today!
AXELROD crosses the room and puts an avuncular arm over BARACK'S shoulder.
AXELROD
Listen, BARACK...just put them off for another week.
BARACK
I've already put them off for 2 weeks.
AXELROD
Christmas!
BARACK
What?
AXELROD
Christmas! The day before, the day after...it doesn't matter. Tell you they'll get the full story Christmas Week. Tell them the feds forbid you to talk until then. Besides...the press loves you!...the nation loves you!...the world loves you, Barack! Can't you see it in their eyes. I see it every presser...misty-eyed reporters hanging onto your every deliberative word. They want to believe you...
DISSOLVE TO:
A press conference. In the front row are Chris Matthews, Andrea Mitchell, Jamal Simmons, Keith Olberman and Katie Currick. David Shuster is in the third row. Next to him is Kelly O'Donnell in a swank black velvet evening gown. Kelly is flirting, having a fine old time, possibly inebriated. The PRESIDENT-ELECT comes to the podium, criticizes the Bush Administration, Guantanamo Prison, the FISA laws, Wall Street, the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, the Bush economy, and tells the press how he will accomplish the Greening of America. BARACK praises the UAW, the SEIU, the Teacher's Unions, the Teamsters Union, Al Gore's Movie, All the Smart People Who Voted for Me, Richard Daly, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, and the World Leaders of the only European countries he could think of. Then he dropped the bombshell..
BARACK
I think the Governor of Illinois can no longer be effective in his job.
The press, aghast, emits a collective gasp and seems to struggle for air. There is a hubbub and an uproar in the press room. One brave reporter calls from the back of the room a challenge that can scarcely be heard amidst the din.
REPORTER
Don't you think that you are losing some credibility by withholding information about your staff's contacts with the Governor's office until Christmas Day?
BARACK
That's all, folks. You're all welcome to join me on the basketball court in the White House Gym in January.
FADE OUT:
Darkness settles on America.
No comments:
Post a Comment