We now rejoin our feature docu-drama about the Nobama White House. We must repeat that any resemblance of character to persons living or dead are entirely coincidental. We resume our program now with Vice-President O'Biden aloft in Air Force One and circling the Statue of Liberty as panic-stricken New Yorkers take flight down below:
WIDE ANGLE:
Thousands of people are running everywhere...shrieking, falling all over themselves in panic. A baby carriage gets loose from a mother's hands and rolls helplessly into the street, an infants little head bobbing. Cars are crashing everywhere while others dodge the terrified people....
SECRET SERVICE MAN ONE (V.O.)
Sir, you've got to take this call--it's the president!
VICE-PRESIDENT (V.O.)
This is what it's all about...national security!...look at those damn people down there! let's give 'em a damn show! The president?... Here, give me that phone...
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Joe, Joe, Joe!... You got to use the teleprompter...justlike I do...there's a reason for that.
VICE-PRESIDENT
Yes, Sir....
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
And tell the pilot to get his ass and yours back on the ground, you hear?
VICE-PRESIDENT
Yes, sir!...
The Vice-President appears forlorn and tells an aide to tell the Captain to bring the plane down...
FADE OUT:
ON Statue of Liberty becoming smaller and farther away in NY harbor.
FADE OUT:
The PRESIDENT is back in the Oval Office with his feet up on his desk. He is throwing paper "basketballs" into a hoop he has set up across on the opposite wall.
CHIEF OF STAFF
(hurrying in to Oval Office)
Barry! Barry!... You've got a presser in twenty minutes...
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
No sweat, Runn!... and stop calling me Barry, will you?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Sorry, chief... but I'm in a hurry....
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
So what are people wearing in New York these days?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Dunno...! Should be like Chi....
PRESIDENT NOBAMA (sings)
Chicago!...Chicago!...My kind of town...
(fires another paperball)
A press conference, you say? Now what kind of press conference would that be today?
CHIEF OF STAFF (sighs)
GM, remember?
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
The bankruptcy? Oh, that! No problem there. It's in the teleprompter isn't it?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Yeah, but..
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
I guess I'll wear the usual...subtle pinstripes, dark tie, white shirt... no, maybe the cameras will pick up a blue shirt better!...
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
And Michelle's all ready to be picked up. I wonder if we should take the smaller jet.... I just can't decide...or Air Force One...
CUT TO:
The White House lawn, filled with reporters and broadcast vans. The PRESIDENT walks out in long strides to face the microphones. He adjusts his tie, again and again, a gesture which is an NOBAMA trademark entrance.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
This is going to be short, folks...Michelle and I have a date to see a Broadway show. That's in New York, of course!
There is a rush of bemused affection rushing through the assembly of news reporters....
CHORUS OF REPORTERS
Oooooh!....aaaaaaaah!...a date, he said " a date." Ooooooh!...Aaaaaah! We hope he won't be late....OOoooooh!....Aaaaaah..It's in New York, you know, a Broadway Show, a date, we hope, he won't be late....to Broadway!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Alright, folks, thanks but there'll be no need for that.
CHORUS OF REPORTERS
Oooooh!...aaaaah!...
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
(looking at his watch)
All right now...it's late...and I've got to be going but first, but first, first I want to say that I have no interest in being a car company CEO.
CHORUS OF REPORTERS
Ooooooh!....aaaaah!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA (perturbed)
(forces a smile)
Alright,then...all right...and I have no interest in running a car company....
There is suddenly a disturbance behind him which causes the president to halt his speech and turn his back to the crowd. Runn Emmanual pops up whispers something in the president's ear, something the press strains to hear....
CHIEF OF STAFF (whispers)
Bing...it's Bing!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA (whispering)
Detroit Mayor Bing?
(irritably and too loudly)
Tell him not to worry. GM Headquarters will remain in Detroit!
CHORUS OF REPORTERS
Oooooh...what's that he says?
CHORUS OF REPORTERS
GM Headquarters will remain in Detroit? How does he know this? Oh, what a wizard he is! So smart!..so Harvard-educated!
The president then turns back to the crowd and the teleprompter.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
As I say, I have no interest in running a car company. My man Fritz here...
(pauses, motions toward Fritz)
has my full confidence and he will be the one making the decisions with regard to operations...
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
The key thing to remember is that we're saving or creating 50,000 jobs and it's only going to cost the taxpayers 80 billion dollars. That's a small price to pay when you think of how much the UAW has done for GM and for America.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
And the new GM will no longer be making the cars that bigoted tight-fisted conservatives drive around places like Dallas, Texas. The new GM will be making tiny, fuel-efficient little gizmos that will gradually replace the motorcycle as the most fuel-efficient vehicles on the highway.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
These new Green vehicles will be powered by the hard work of poor dirt farmers in hick havens like Iowa and Nebraska--places where smart people don't want to live. Corn is what I'm talkin' 'bout!--ethanol!...or from wood chips and other scrap materials!....
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Within 4 years, just in time for my next election, we'll be filling our swimming pools with ethanol! And we'll put a federal tax of $2.00 a gallon on oil so that we can beat the Europeans at their own game, adding up to yet another reason to buy cars from Government Motors.
(laughing)
Ha-ha...and not from those stupid Chinamans who bought the Hummer, ha-ha!
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
And to those conservative,skeptical doomsayers who say that ethanol will raise the price of food for everyone around the world, let me just say that my tax cuts on those making less than $250,000 a year will subsidize poor hardworking working families who can now afford to shop with Michelle and I at Whole Foods, Inc.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Now I'd like you to imagine a future where our houses are heated by the sun and wind. Think of the Green jobs that will provide as we all joining hands to move back to full employment by the year 2010, or perhaps later.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Now I see it's getting time for us to be off to New York. I'll take a few questions before leaving you in the capable hands of Fritz Henderson.
The reporter enclave is suddenly in a frenzy, shouting out a hundred questions. The President appears bewildered. Runn Emmanual whispers again into the president's ear.
REPORTER
But what about Ford? Ford is the only car company that didn't come to the government for a handout. Won't Government Motors be competing with private car makers like Ford? And what about Honda and Toyota and the others who make cars in the US? Won't it be unfair to them?
PRESIDENT NOBAMA
Oh, dear...Look what time it is. I've got to be off. Air Force One is running and you know how much fuel you can burn off while idling on the runway...
The President sprints off the stage with a wave and a smile. Runn Emmanuel quickly pushes Fritz to the microphones.
PRESIDENT NOBAMA (shouting)
Good luck, Fritz!
FADE OUT:
Tune in next week as President Nobama plans a trip and major speech at Cairo University. That's in Egypt, if you don't know. If you don't know, your services are highly desirable and much in demand at the Nobama White House. We remind you also, in the event you missed some parts of our series, to scan down to the archived sections for previous postings of this ground-breaking docudrama.
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