Monday, May 18, 2009

Don't Worry, Republicans: We'll Always Have Pelosi

It's a closely guarded secret at the CIA. Early in the election cycle, a team of rogue Republicans, responsible for coordinating the well-known Right Wing Attack Machine, approached the CIA with a plan to deceive Nanny Pelosi regarding terrorist interrogations. Numerous CIA officials are reported to be part of the plot to deceive the Democratic Party House Speaker and the conspiracy has been festering for a long time at Langley.

Pelosi has recently exposed the CIA plot, calling the intelligence agency a "bunch of liars." Pelosi says she was on an astral plane while attending the CIA briefing which was conducted in the presence of several other Congressmen who were there and were not participating in the scheduled Pelosi seance. Pelosi often attends seminars in the astral plane and believes that her departures have positive impact on Democratic political strategies and in the formulation of policies.

However, recent CIA leaks reveal that Pelosi may be just another rich Republican masquerading as a left-liberal politician with the purpose of bringing down the party. There is much speculation among Democrats that CIA Chief Leon Panetta may also be part of the conspiracy--Panetta yesterday denied that Speaker Nanny Pelosi had been lied to at the briefing. Panetta says he does not approve of Pelosi's unauthorized departures from the earthly realms, and hopes the Speaker will soon return to earth.

Meanwhile, Senator Patrick Leahy is calling for further investigations of the matter, something strongly opposed by the President. Leahy is not a devotee of astral projection but is a believer in the popular left-wing Democratic Party cult and party game of Seeking Solace by Placing One's Head in Dark Places.

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